Nkosi On Wednesday

Whether you call yours a vision board or resolutions or annual to-do lists, I am keen to find out where we are on those things now that we are about a quarter way through the year.

I find silence in a woman unnatural. It is almost always synonymous with one trauma or another. I don’t easily trust silence in women; it unnerves me in a way that this post is too short for. I am finally understanding why.

So, like Rizzo, there are worse things you could do. There is a universe in which all these things are untouched. An alternate reality where you haven’t put in any work towards the things you want. But we’re not in that universe and you deserve grace for that.

I remember more than once I was punished for rolling my eyes, they called the offence “body language” (it doesn’t say cousin there by boarding). But when you live in a world where everything is punishable, you learn to hide your mistakes well to avoid consequence.

We have been at this for hours, and I have met 13.5 people. I have spoken to 7. I have laughed at 3 jokes, smiled politely at the unfunny ones. If we don’t leave in the next hour, we will be down to just nods and murmurs every 37 seconds.

It’s not what we usually write and read here, but thank you for humouring me. I have had a hectic couple of days, and this list is what I could whip up in a jiffy.

We commit to the memory of how bad things were to a point where we can’t appreciate how good they equally were. There is room for both. Sure, it was dusty, but that was one hell of an orange.

We don’t talk enough about how every aspect of our lives comes down to this pageantry of self-presentation in the hope of acceptance. We apply for jobs, we apply for school, we go on dates, we enter competitions, and all of it requires the dance.

You would not go to somebody’s house empty-handed. My mum was always very specific about this: when you visit someone, make sure you carry something to their house. Similarly, you can’t waltz into church, the house of God, theeee God, maker of heaven and earth, empty-handed then you kiki and leave.

I wish for both of us,the movement through life with such crystal clarity that we never hear ourselves say “well everyone is doing it” or “it has always been this way”. I wish both of us the intentionality that is excited by the word “why”, that we may view “why” as friend not foe, as curiosity not as challenge.