Nkosi On Wednesday

In all this, I only ask that you remember me. It sounds like a ridiculous
request but life has a habit of going on even under the worst of
circumstances. One day you will try to remember the sound of my
laughter and you won’t.

I could have worn crop tops every day for the 4 years I was at that school and I would still end up here. Not here as some abstract idea, but here, on this day, writing this to you. Because in the end, we never truly regret the big things.

We roll out red carpets and shower confetti for the most basic reasons. We praise parents for providing for their children, we commend spouses for their fidelity. We stand in awe when kids display perfect manners. Men are “good” for not being predators…the bar has got to be higher!

You don’t need to sell romance to me. I hear it. But I am saying other relationships are equally important. I am saying denying people integrity simply because we are not attracted to them is crazy business!

I find silence in a woman unnatural. It is almost always synonymous with one trauma or another. I don’t easily trust silence in women; it unnerves me in a way that this post is too short for. I am finally understanding why.

So, like Rizzo, there are worse things you could do. There is a universe in which all these things are untouched. An alternate reality where you haven’t put in any work towards the things you want. But we’re not in that universe and you deserve grace for that.

I remember more than once I was punished for rolling my eyes, they called the offence “body language” (it doesn’t say cousin there by boarding). But when you live in a world where everything is punishable, you learn to hide your mistakes well to avoid consequence.

We have been at this for hours, and I have met 13.5 people. I have spoken to 7. I have laughed at 3 jokes, smiled politely at the unfunny ones. If we don’t leave in the next hour, we will be down to just nods and murmurs every 37 seconds.

It’s not what we usually write and read here, but thank you for humouring me. I have had a hectic couple of days, and this list is what I could whip up in a jiffy.

We commit to the memory of how bad things were to a point where we can’t appreciate how good they equally were. There is room for both. Sure, it was dusty, but that was one hell of an orange.