Exactly a year ago today was my last day at my TV job. This was a job that I loved, that I was amazing at and not to brag, I was probably one of, if not the youngest department leads at any TV department nationwide. (I could be wrong, this is not based on any actual research, just vibes and my inflated sense of self). Anyway, that was my life last year, job that I loved, was great at, made an actual difference at.
If this time last year, you would have asked me, I probably would have told you the name of the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with and where we would spend that life and how we (read him) would be running a family business and I would be using the extra profits to invest into my writing and film stuff. Solid plan.
But sisemhlabeni guys. At the end of the day, computers crash njaninjani. Anyway, after leaving my job for reasons and my relationship ending for other reasons, I had a couple of months that I was in complete limbo and had no idea what I was doing. I filled those days with a new job that I just did for the sake of capitalism and I would be lying if I said those weren’t the lowest parts of my year. I was unchallenged, unstimulated and the comfort of receiving a paycheck at the end of the month wasn’t enough to make me overlook the unhappiness that I was experiencing within that space. I eventually left it.
Anyway, it’s a year later now and I miss my TV job sometimes and I think about how differerently things could have gone with he that is gone now. Lol, I’m on a roll today. But then I also think that I wouldn’t have met the me that I am writing to you as today. I like this me today.
This is a me that signed up for the gym (don’t know how long that will last), a me that has decided to be a full time student at the age of almost 30, the me that is learning Mandarin for some reason, the me that is back in therapy, not because anything in particular is wrong but because she just wants to grow into herself.
I miss my TV job and I miss who I was when I was with the person I was with. But I also love this. The space that I am in, the peace I have created within myself, the grace I now give myself.
It’s all so beautiful.
P.S Shoutout to Lomusa for reminding me to blog this week. My life has literally been running awat from me these past few weeks but I am here now!
