“Why” is such a pesky little word. Three letters. One syllable. As unassuming as a word can be. Yet this invitation, this marker of curiosity, is almost always met with defensiveness at best, hostility at worst, both of which are (also) almost always unwarranted.
Something in our psyche digests the question “why” as an attack. Social experiment: ask someone why they go to their church, why they married that man, why they are friends with their friends, why they chew with their mouth open. Eight times out of ten, they will retort, “what kind of a question is that?” or “because I want to”, both of which are insufficient answers.
See “why” isn’t an attack, it’s an invitation, the most generous invitation:invite me into your world and help me see the world in the way that you do. The reason why most of us are quick to snub this invitation is that, beyond the church services and the wedding vows and the friendships and the horrid table manners (seriously, chew with your mouth closed), we have no personal convictions for why we do the things we do.
We get up because the sun is out. We shower because we have done it a thousand times before and didn’t die, we greet the neighbours because, well, you HAVE to greet the neighbours. A lot of us are on autopilot and have been for years. And this is why we get defensive or offended when we are asked to vouch for the choices that we make everyday.
I had a short conversation with Chipo (visit her blog) a few days back and she said “that thing that you are doing but cannot name it..see why you need to stop doing it? I want to take this further and say, that thing that you get defensive about when we ask you why you are doing it, maybe don’t do it?
This is where intentionality comes in. When you do something over and over again, it ceases to mean something. And when it ceases to have meaning, the next natural thing is to either stop doing it or start examining your why. Phil Kaye puts in beautifully in this poem:
I understand what it’s like to get lost in the noise of cycle and obligation, but if we invite intentionality into the room, we start to realise what we should be doing, what we shouldn’t be doing and what we should be doing differently.
My favourite thing about working in film (regardless of my current sabbatical) is that everyone has a reason for doing what they do. Michael Corleone’s reason is family, Rose DeWitt Bukater’s is freedom, Ariel’s is…idk a white boy? (disappoint me again Mabhena). Regardless, everyone is moved by intention.
I wish the same for you and for myself. I wish for both of us,the movement through life with such crystal clarity that we never hear ourselves say “well everyone is doing it” or “it has always been this way”. I wish both of us the intentionality that is excited by the word “why”, that we may view “why” as friend not foe, as curiosity not as challenge.
