I am a proud introvert, blessed to be surrounded by extroverts. My very minimal social circle is made up largely of people who love outside, who love being around other people, and get energized by the energies of those around them. Respect. I am the opposite. Generally, my vibe is “leave me alone”. Being around people depletes me more than it energizes me. Outside is okay, I guess, but only to a certain point. If you’re introverted like me, and your favourite people are extroverted like mine, then there are probably things you expect them to know (I mean, despite you not actually saying them. USE YOUR BIG GIRL-OR BOY VOICE!). Big girl voice curated this little list for when our extrovert friends want to take us outside
BY ALL MEANS, CANCEL THE PLANS
If there is one thing I love more than no plans, it’s cancelled plans. Something at your job came up? Cancel the plans. You’re feeling under the weather? Cancel the plans. Your grandmother’s puppy twice removed died? Cancel. The. Plans! I really don’t mind. We can rain check or never do it again. You never have to feel guilty for cancelling on me. I could use a nap anyway. Just one thing. Don’t wait until the day of, and I have showered and put on my favourite outside clothes to cancel. That’s when we start to fight. But as long as I haven’t left my bed…feel free to cancel the plans.
WHO ALL GON BE THERE?
When you invite me somewhere, I need to know who else (other than you of course coz I love you) is going to be there. If your friend who brings her boyfriend (then they start fighting and making everything awkward) is coming, give me a heads-up. If your sexist neighbour is going to be there, let me know so I can prepare to turn the hang out into a feminist seminar again (idc, I’d do it a thousand times). Just let me know. Help a girl prepare!
I AM GOING FOR YOU, NOT THE THING
Here’s the thing: I never want to go anywhere. As long as I have charged devices, an internet connection, a couple of notebooks and a decent book collection, I’m good. Okay, maybe add toilet paper and snacks, then we’re really good. So if you invite me somewhere, please know that this is my investment into our relationship, and any chance to go home…I will happily take. I am happy to be here, but more than that, I am happy to be here with you. That being said, don’t leave me unattended for more than 15 minutes. I came here for you. I have no business being here. You are my business here.
DON’T MAKE ME HANG OUT WITH PEOPLE I DON’T KNOW
Don’t do that to me! Don’t put me in a position where I have to make small talk with strangers. I just a baby. I mentioned earlier that I am more depleted than I am energized by peopling. My people i.e you always make me feel better, you make me giggle and make me feel seen. Love ya! Laba abanye guys! I don’t know what their interests are, or what their sense of humour is like or if they even are good people. There isn’t enough time for me to figure that out and remember I can’t small talk so we’ll just sit here in silence. They will forever remember me as your mute friend.
…BUT ALSO PLEASE DO, BECAUSE YOU ARE THE ONLY WAY I MEET NEW PEOPLE
Anyone who says they met me on their own is a liar! Every single person I know is either a friend I made through an institution (family, school or work) or a person I met through a friend that I made through an institution. Anything beyond that, usulamanga! I believe my introversion has killed the part of me that organically makes friends. Because I literally do not know how to randomly build a relationship with someone without the mediation of an institution or an individual. So keep introducing me to your people, it’s the only way I make people. I will never see or talk to 96% of them, but Lord, that 4%.
FROM THE SECOND WE ARRIVE, WE ARE ON A CLOCK
At some point, my battery will start depleting. It’s not a physical battery, so physically we are fine. I am standing, I am on my feet. I am doing my best not to roll my eyes when that boy from your job refers to himself as an alpha for the fourth time. So my faculties are intact. Inside…we are drowning nono. We have been at this for hours, and I have met 13.5 people. I have spoken to 7. I have laughed at 3 jokes, smiled politely at the unfunny ones. If we don’t leave in the next hour, we will be down to just nods and murmurs every 37 seconds. Best I can do.
Outside is uncharted country for introverts. We don’t necessarily hate it. We just need to be resourced for it. What resources do my fellow introverts need for outside? And for my extroverts, what bothers you the most about being outside with your introverts? Finally, as a gift to both sides, I’m leaving the introvert anthem here for everyone to listen to.
