There’s a very mean lady who lives in my head. I know if I take the time to talk to her and figure out what her deal is, I will realise that she is the latest mutation of my (undiagnosed) anxiety. I don’t have the time to engage her, though, we both have too much to do.
Her “too much” reminds me of all the things I could be doing that I am not. She reminds me of my scriptwriting software that I have not touched in nearly two years. She recalls the half-written chapter of my thesis; the book that I was so intent on writing but have not looked at in months. This lady forgets nothing, forgives nothing, and she is resentless.
I like to think we all have such a mean lady (or dude) living inside of us. Telling us how much we are falling short and reminding us how far from our optimum we operate. Whether we call that voice impostor syndrome or low self-esteem or, in my case, anxiety, there is a nameless, faceless voice in your head that is telling you you’re failing.
I have taken to Grease to respond to that lady. Towards the end of the movie, Rizzo realises that, sure, she is not the best person in the room. She could be a much better person, but at the same time, she realises she could equally be a much worse person, but she has chosen not to be. The same applies to us. We are not where we want to be whether it’s in terms of work or a creative project or a purchase or a relationship. But we could be in a much more delicate situation.
That house that’s been at roof level for years, could easily be bare land. The savings account that always gets to 80% of the target before sliding back to 50% could be empty. The book that’s only ten pages in could be vibes and abstract thoughts. And those abstract thoughts could be nothing at all. So, like Rizzo, there are worse things you could do. There is a universe in which all these things are untouched. An alternate reality where you haven’t put in any work towards the things you want. But we’re not in that universe and you deserve grace for that.
Now this is not a call for you to move just one inch, then roll over and say you could be doing worse. This is a reminder that two things can hold true. You can be operating at less than your optimum and still be doing your best. The hope is that you are at least trying. At least you can look that mean lady in your head and remind her, “there are worse things I could do”.
